Finding the Old in the New

JR and I spent the afternoon at the brand new Please Touch Museum - which has moved from a cramped building in town out to the marvelous Memorial Hall in Fairmount Park. We loved it. It was nice to see the new exhibits while reconnecting with some old favorites (the elephant made from toys, the croquet flamingos). I missed the Maurice Sendak exhibits, but was pleased to see Max's boat is still there - newly christened the S.S. Tom Beckett - which brought a tear to my eye. I had just been thinking to myself how sad it is that Tom did not survive to see the new museum after his years as carpenter / exhibit designer at the old museum.

We were also touched to see the artwork by JR's buddy Z's grandfather. Another local artist who did not live to see his artwork in the new space.

JR was happy to run into an old friend (EH, from the same babyhouse in Kazakhstan), a classmate, and another boy who JR said is "new" at his school.

Making History

We voted together as a family last night. I made sure to catch the early train home. JR's dad walked in the door right behind me. Then we grabbed JR and walked the 4 blocks to the Lebanese Catholic church hall that has been our polling place for the last few elections. There were no lines and after JR's dad greeted all the local pollworkers and ward leaders, we signed our names and went into the booths. JR came with me and I let him push the buttons.

JR chose the president (of course, I agreed with his choice) because he went to the same college as Daddy, so he must be smart and because he looks like T, JR's friend of mixed race heritage. Of course, it can be said that JR is also mixed race, with his Central Asian Russian, now Italian/Irish American heritage.

Then we met another of JR's friends, Chinese-Jewish E and her mom, at our favorite local Vietnamese noodle house, for an election night dinner.

This is what America looks like in our 21st century.

Nature vs. Nurture

One of the fascinations of adoption is discovering the mix of biological and nonbiological determinants that make up JR. His affection for all things athletic; well we know that's biologically determined because it surely doesn't come from us. Then again, sometimes what he "inherits" from us is completely befuddling. I understand his penchant for newspapers, since his Daddy is never without at least one in his hands. But how to explain his system for getting dressed in the morning?

I admit to a few obsessive personality traits. Mostly, they are exhibited as a need to organize items. So my friends may laugh at me, but I just like to listen to my CD's alphabetically. I have also confessed to a few friends that I have my closet organized and each morning I just pull out the next item in line and wear it. It removes the challenge of making a decision before I'm wholly awake. I haven't told many people about this, maybe not even JR's dad. I certainly have never mentioned it to JR.

So how do we explain this morning?

JR was in his closet, picking out a shirt to wear with his sweatpants to preschool. The first shirt he picked out didn't match the sweatpants. I suggested he choose another shirt.
"But Mom," he protested. "This shirt is the next in line."

2006 Report on JR

Consulate of Kazakhstan

June 6, 2006

2006 Report on JR
Born in Kostanai, Kazakhstan

JR continues to be the light of our life.
He is a bright, healthy, energetic toddler who is deeply loved by his parents and everyone who meets him. Just today one of the teachers from his daycare program told us that "“He is charming his way into my heart."”

His medical health is very good. He is in the 90th percentile for height and weight (at his last check-up, in September, he was 40"” tall and weighed almost 40 lbs.) We continue to treat his mild asthma medically. He has not had any major asthma attacks, or any other medical issues that have required visits to the pediatrician (other than one bout with a flu virus in the winter). His pediatrician continues to be particularly impressed by his obvious intelligence and his clear attachment to his parents. He was potty-trained at 3 years and 2 months of age and now routinely sleeps through the night without accidents.

He attends preschool 5 days a week. The teachers are generally pleased with his behavior and say that he is emotionally and developmentally right where he should be. He is always one of the first in his group to master new academic topics. They also regularly remark on how bright he is. He is always the first one to volunteer the answer to the teacher'’s questions. He knows his alphabet and is beginning to associate the letters with their phonetic equivalents and can count to 100. The newest teacher at his preschool asked me if he had turned 6 yet, because intellectually he was performing at the level of the children entering kindergarten.

Our house is filled with his art projects from pre“school. In April, his preschool studied outer space. He learned about the planets, stars, comets, and moon. He was so interested in the topic that he has asked that his birthday party this year have a "“space"” theme. We made flying saucers, hunted for pretend "“moon rocks"” and played other space-themed games.

His most marked abilities, however, are in athletics. He has excellent motor skills. He can throw balls (baseballs, footballs, tennis balls, etc.) for quite a distance, and with accurate aim. He can hit baseballs with a bat. This spring he joined a tee-ball (baseball for very young children) league for 3 and 4 year olds. His father served as assistant coach for the team. The league is not competitive at this age; the children meet once a week to practice fundamentals such as throwing, catching and hitting the ball. Tee ball is one of the highlights of JR'’s week. He also enjoys playing soccer and bocce ball. He has taken swimming lessons at a local pool and can now put his head under the water, jump in the pool and swim short distances without assistance. We belong to a swim club with outdoor pools and we have already started to spend time there this season. He likes nothing better than to “play baseball” with his father. He would happily spend hours throwing balls back and forth.

He is a good eater (his favorite foods continue to be macaroni, olives, any type of fruit, and of course, ice cream). His favorite vegetable is asparagus. He will eat any type of fish. This spring we were awarded a plot in the local community garden and he has been very involved with the planting and watering. He chose to plant carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, radishes and flowers. He was quite excited last week when we were able to harvest our first two radishes.

We read to him regularly, and he has many favorite books, some of which he has memorized. In addition to playing ball, he enjoys doing puzzles, constructing buildings and vehicles with Legos, and coloring. He is able to color within the lines. Like most of his four-year-old friends, he enjoys pretending to be a superhero. He likes to make up funny stories and jokes and has a wonderful sense of humor.

We regularly take him on short trips to visit local museums, parks, zoos and other sights. The Academy of Natural Science, (or as he calls it, "the Dinosaur Museum") is a particular favorite. Over the Christmas holiday, we took him by train to New York City to visit the Museum of Natural History, where he was able to see many dinosaur fossils. We have also taken him to the local planetarium at the Franklin Institute, which he greatly enjoyed.

He has many friends in the neighborhood and at school. He seems to be quite popular with his schoolmates and is showing some leadership potential. We continue to stay in touch with several families in the area who also adopted children from the Baby House. In addition to his friends from Kazakhstan, he has good friends who were adopted from China, Viet Nam, the Ukraine and Guatemala. Several of the children at his preschool are adopted and two of the children have parents who were adopted into their families, so his school is very sensitive to the issues of adoptive children.

He remains very close with his first cousins on his fatherÂ’s side. He is particularly enamored of his cousin Andrew, who is 8 years old. Joseph likes to do whatever Andrew is doing and especially likes to play baseball with him. We see his cousins several times a month and we will again spend a week vacationing with them in Ocean City, NJ (a beach resort) this coming August.

We feel privileged and blessed to have Joseph in our lives.

Synchronicity

I was driving home today from running an errand, down a street I pass every so often. As I drove down one block, I remembered that the pro bono lawyer who helped my youngest brother when he was dying from AIDS had lived on that block. And suddenly, without warning I was crying.

Why did it hit me so hard today of all days? It's not an anniversary of anything connected to my brother (he died in early April 1986, his birthday is June 15). I hadn't been thinking about AIDS, or Patrick, or anything like that.

Yet the tears were flowing.

I went home, hugged my son (busy playing bocce on the corner with his dad; using the bocce balls that Dad got for his birthday yesterday). I thought about bargaining with Dad ("if our second adoption is a boy, could we name him Patrick?") I let the issue drop.

Then late tonight, when I should be asleep, I feed my insomnia by browsing the blogs of my friends, and come across Moxie's post. Synchronicity.

So yes, we are all LGBT families.

And there is an anniversary to note today: JR has been home with us 3 years today. He became a US citizen today, after 16 hours on 2 planes, 16 hours that I thought would never end, and that now seem like nothing in the life that is JR's life with us.